Is that procrastination? OR But, that's not today.

 This academic week started off quite roughly, so I was happy yesterday when I was finally "caught up" for the week. I keep "caught up" in quotation marks because I never truly feel like I'm caught up until the quarter (doctorate) or semester (job) is over. Earlier in the week I was procrastinating more than I have since starting my program. I was just finding everything too overwhelming, and I was escaping into junk food and movies. To be fair, I did all the work that was set out for me and attended three Zoom meetings - two for school and one for work - during the week. I even registered for the winter quarter and bought the books listed for one of my upcoming creativity classes. I stayed busy while finding ways to stay sane.

I had posted on Facebook how overwhelmed I felt. I knew it would solicit the sympathy I didn't want to hear. I like to vent and share, but I don't like pity or even support, when that's not why I'm posting. I post to remind myself that there's more to my life than the roles I play. 

In one course I continue to read to understand. I'm sometimes more successful in expressing that understanding, but I keep trying to be open to its lessons. As I read about Scharmer's Theory U, I do get excited, thinking that it is supporting the transformation I am trying to make. With less than seven weeks before the end of the semester, I have nothing waiting for me for 2025. I did have an offer that I turned down, and I will continue to live with that decision, but this journey I've tried to take in various incarnations over the years is whispering to me to follow it while my brain screams at me to stay on course, essentially denying everything I try to teach to my students.

The work week was okay. I keep trying to connect with my high school classes, but that may just be a matter of maintenance at this point. With twelve and eleven sessions left for both cohorts, if it hasn't happened yet, I shouldn't be disappointed. I can only keep focused on what is working and help them through their remaining assignments. I'm trying a new model with my once-a-week class. I'm not sure how successful it is, but most students are getting in their work. I only see them five more days. They have just as much work to do in comparison. Most of my Writing I class is up to date with their assignments, but I am likely to report at least two of them as "stop-outs." It's too early in my second cycle accelerated class to see how they will do overall. In each class, I hope I'm providing the right structure for them to succeed and get their course value.

The new week for my studies officially begins tomorrow, but I think I'm going to take a mental break from that. There are a few not yet due papers I could attend to for my classes, but I will get back in that mindset tomorrow. Is that procrastination? 

Busy, important week. I'm likely to stress myself out by watching the election results come in, but that's not today. 

Breathe.